We go through a second adolescence. My girlfriend apparently used to wink to pick up girls. Add to the fact that gays often date with the seasons, and half the year is either thought of as warm single, and often slutty season, or as a cold cuddling more relationship based time of the year. The question is, when is enough enough? If we are lucky enough to meet someone with whom our souls connect in an effortless way, we need to water that relationship because it is rare. Add to the fact that a lot of our friends are single, and it becomes almost more normal to be single in the gay world than in a healthy relationship. We are afraid of commitment.
While it can feel like dating, and ultimately finding someone amazing is impossible in the gay world, we have to remain optimistic if we really do want to find someone. In the end, we'll ultimately be looking for a best friend, a companion to build a full life with, and maybe one day move away from all the craziness with. These moves are short-term attention-grabbers, not an ongoing way of interaction. The question is, when is enough enough? However, even when we do couple up, the way in which we operate as couples is quite different than straight couples. Mix in a lack of communication, which as men we are more likely to be bad at, and it's a recipe for disaster. We have unrealistic expectations. We are afraid of commitment. Does that sound cliche? Getting married wasn't an option for our community until very recently, so commitment from a legal standpoint was actually far from a lot of our minds. Jealousy plagues our community. I mean, you could keep ignoring the calls until they go away, because sometimes they go away…and sometimes they show up outside your house. It's easier to just keep reverting back to all the other points that making dating hard than it is to try and work on something with someone we thought we really liked. If we are lucky enough to meet someone with whom our souls connect in an effortless way, we need to water that relationship because it is rare. Do we want to be monogamous? Bold moves are admirable when executed correctly. We need to stop using every excuse in the book, and start working on ourselves because we aren't perfect either. The language we use when talking about dating needs to be positive and upbeat, and we have to stop confusing proper courting with endless casual sex. No one is, really. Have a business card. I never went through with using it for either of these purposes, which is good because that shit is tacky. Now more than ever, strong committed gay couples exist in public spheres, which means there are examples of what we can have. Add to the fact that when we go to gay bars, almost everyone in that room is a possible partner in some way, and our chances are doubled. You have to take initiative! Continuing the conversation from the last point, we often are beyond indecisive about what it is that we really want.
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