She struggled to free her arms from the vice grip of Lily's legs, but it was futile, and Lily abused her by rubbing even harder—so hard that now I could hear the wet flesh smacking over and over. I flicked on the light and crossed the room to a corridor entrance, beyond which stretched a hallway lined with doors on either side. Lily watched her with an almost contemptuous expression, as if she was punishing her rather than pleasuring her. The tussling had gotten a bit more aggressive by now, and Joanna had come out on top. Then finally burst into uncharacteristically goofy laughter. With her chin resting on Joanna's shoulder, Lily's composure started to crack.
You can imagine that by this point, in my early thirties, it was common to see me sitting off to the side at every gathering, my eyes cast down at the dim glow of my phone's screen. Then finally burst into uncharacteristically goofy laughter. They held each other. She slapped her again, this time louder. On the day of this party, now eighteen years old, Joanna was far beyond a single tattoo on her stomach, and Lily was far beyond a softspoken girl with pretty eyes. Lily's legs were locked around Joanna, crossed at the ankles, pinning Joanna's arms to her sides. Joanna laughed softly, looking down at her sister. I could feel a pang of fear stabbing at my gut. Lily crushed her fingers against Joanna's clit and started working it hard and slow, stroking it up and down as Joanna closed her eyes and scrunched her nose up and arched her back. Joanna rubbed her crotch and kissed her lips, and Lily gasped and let her mouth hang open as she opened her legs. Even in childhood Lily had been a domineering personality, though she ruled not through words but gestures. I watched with wide eyes, frozen in place. As the girls continued to play like lion cubs, I continued to watch through my screen, afraid to even move. I was born late, a child conceived by accident only a year after my older sister moved out—just when our parents thought they'd gotten their lives back. The whole family was gathered either near the grill or in the pool or in the living room, all of them enjoying each others' company, and here I was creepily watching a video I had recorded of my nieces just twenty minutes earlier. As she reached for her sister's crotch, I reached for mine. When I was learning how to walk and talk, they were learning how to sit through a two-hour class with a hangover; when I was learning how to ride a bike, they were learning how to work fifty-hour weeks without wanting to jump out of a window; and when I was learning that I might like girls a lot more than boys, some of them were realizing that they were pregnant, and that their childhood truly was over. Leaning on one knee, Joanna brought up her other foot and hooked her toe in Lily's waistband and pushed her bikini bottoms down around her thighs. Her face turned red. Then she nodded slowly, as calm as ever. Joanna growled and bit her bottom lip and went silent, and as her legs lifted off the floor Lily rubbed as hard as she could, until the room was loud with wet sounds and heavy breathing and nothing else. They both seemed to have become themselves to the fullest extent possible, and it was always a little intimidating whenever they were around. When she finally pulled her fingers out, Lily's whole body winced. She'd gotten it without telling her parents, and you'd think she would've hidden this little surprise under a hoodie or something, but she was proud to show her parents, expecting them to be happy for her. A blue mat lay spread across the floor, and countless dumbbells were lined up near the far wall.
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